So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
