yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize