i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
