Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
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Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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