yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your cock deserves a montage
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
