Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
