Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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