yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
