And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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