The maid of honor just puked.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
