Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
