I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
