Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
