you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
