dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
