I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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