i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
