honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
