what day is it and did you see me today?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
did you just send me my own nude
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
