He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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