Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
