And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
