I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
