Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
