Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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