Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
