So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm at about main and main street
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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