watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
