Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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