i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
