I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
