The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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