i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You took a bar mat shot.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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