Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
