we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Randomize
