Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
