I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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