I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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