Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
