Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My vagina is officially offended.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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