I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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