You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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