I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
