so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
