did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
