I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
