its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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