after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
