On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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