the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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