Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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