I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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