What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
