true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
