i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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