she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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