it hurts more in the daytime
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
