there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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