Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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