Did I show you my penis last night?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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