just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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