I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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