i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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