Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
