Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
