Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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