Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
