He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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