sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize