New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
