i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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