Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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