I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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