Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
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