I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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