considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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