You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
